vay-kay

this past week dennis and i joined my parents on a little trip out to fairmont, bc.

we had a lot of fun while we were there despite the rainy weather. it was a great opportunity for den and i to be together without the stress of school/ finals hanging over us, and to get some quality time together before he leaves for another 2 weeks.

thanks mom and dad for letting us tag along with you!

1

tuesday at 12:00pm dennis finished his last exam of this school year.

he yelled at the top of his lungs "i'm freeeeeee!".

i took a deep breath, and let all the stress of the last 8 months melt off my shoulders.

and now, we can relax.

well, for a little bit.

1 year people, that is all that we have left. 1 year. 

how did this happen. here i was, bopping along my merry little way, waking up, going to work, leaving dennis alone as he studied, and bam like a giant slap in the face.

i'm definitely not complaining that's for sure. this whole putting a husband through a full undergrad degree has been challenging to say the least.

but the elusive "they" always say there is a light at the end of every tunnel, and by golly i think we are finally starting to see the glow of daylight at the end of ours.

1 more year

that is what i will be reminding myself i'm sure at least once a day for the next 12 months.
 

my other problem is

a few weeks, actually more like months, i basically complained about the problems that comes with being vertically challenged. remember that?

well here is the thing... i have recently been feeling the affects of another little problem of mine.

but first, the back story

growing up my family moved a lot, and i mean a lot. if we ever made it to the two year mark in one home that was a big deal, big enough that we would have received a "life tile" had our life been the giant board game. now these weren't like great life changing moves, we were always able to attend the same schools, maintain the same friends, even play at the same parks. it was more just a change of scenery, except for that one time we literally moved next door, everything looked pretty much the same that go around. have you ever carried the fridge from your old kitchen to your new one? ya me neither, but i watched my dad and brother do it. but a piano on the other hand, that i have moved.

other then these little moves every other year, there have really only been two biggys. the move to nova scotia, and then the move back from nova scotia.
***
here is a little fun fact about me/cassie, we lived in nova scotia exactly 4 years to the day, we flew away june 29, 2003, and back june 29, 2007. cool hey?

***
anyway, change eventually just became the norm for me, to the point that if things around me are the same for too long i would start to get a little itch for something different. and that itch was usually able to be scratched fairly easily by just rearranging my room, painting a wall, making new bedding, those kind of things.

you always hear about people who are scared/apprehensive when it comes to change, well i am literally the exactly opposite, i need change in my life.

now fast forward to my current problem...

it is coming up to that two year mark of living in the same place, and let me tell you i am starting to feel that familiar itch creeping back up, and it is even start to make me a bit twitchy. last weekend i even came close to having a minor psychotic episode in front of dennis, he being someone who has lived in the same house as long he can remember just doesn't really get it.

normally around this time i would be getting ready to pull out all of the packing boxes and stuffing all my clothes into garbage bags, but we aren't going to be moving anytime soon, nor do i want to, i love where we live. and it's not like i can run out and get some paint to revamp my apartment's walls, because i don't own the place. the rooms are much too small to be able to rearrange it any other way then it already is, plus i would need dennis' help to move furniture, but let's just say he is very content with the way things currently are. and if i am going to be sewing anything any time soon, trust me it isn't going to be new bedding. it is certainly time consuming, to say the least, to take on a project of that magnitude. and i'm just not that willing to invest all my spare time into something that i know in a few months i will just end up changing anyway.

and so this is my current state...

and if this doesn't sound like a problem, then i don't know what is.

the day i became a real adult

when i walked up to the counter and proclaimed i wanted to get in on this costco business, i fully expected the extremely pregnant lady to look me up and down, give me the confused look that i get sometimes, as if to say "i'm sorry, but how old are you?" 

but lo and behold there wasn't a single quizzical look to be had. so either she is just too pregnant to have a correct sense of reality, or maybe, just maybe i really am old enough to be considered an adult, and be allowed to become a "gold star member" of anything. 

so last saturday i woke up a 22 year old girl.

but i went to bed a 22 year old women. 

funny though... i woke up a girl again. maybe it takes a few shopping trips to make it stick.  

to do, now that i'm twenty two

i don't believe in new years resolutions.
i am what some might call a commitment phobe.
aside from marriage, committing to almost anything is a little out of my comfort zone.
i like to have a plan, but not a regime.
as a result, i have a really hard time wrapping my head around the whole new years resolution concept. just because it is a new year, that means i have to up and change the way i have been living my life for all these years? (i know that is a little extreme) it just doesn't sit well with me.
what i normally like to do is set what i guess you could call "accountability goals".

basically, around the time of my birthday i like to take a moment, or a few days, and think about the year that has just past. what did i do/ accomplish? did i live up to my potential? what would i have done differently? am i kicking myself in the butt for not doing something that life threw right in front of my face, but i chose to look the other way? that kind of thing.

then i do a complete 180, and look forward to the year to come. What are some major things i would like to accomplish, whether that be progressing on a current skills that i have, or going out on a huge limb and developing something completely from scratch. i go over relationships that i have, are there some that i want to continue to grow, or any that have run their course, and now time to let go of a little bit? do i need to let my guard down a bit with some people to show them i'm really not a sourpuss? (that would be a big yes!) work, am i growing and learning where i am at? what can i do to expand my knowledge base, and make me more marketable? i think you get where i am going with this.

now with all that in mind, i think it is important when setting any kind of goal to keep a huge sense of reality in mind, which is where the "accountability" comes into the picture. everyone is different, and we are all at different stages of their lives, with our own unique situations. my life is completely different compared to many of the other 22 year old girls that i know, and therefor i am going to have certain expectations for myself that they wouldn't. so i need to look at my life separate from what other people around me are doing, and focus on what I need to be doing in MY life. not see what others are doing, and try to match them.

for instance, i could set the goal of getting up a half hour earlier in the morning to go exercise, but realistically i would rather stay in bed and cuddle with my husband (he is only a morning cuddler), and so i am not even going to set myself up to fail at that one. but where i falter, others may flourish, and good on them.    

and so, as i approach my one week mark of being this ripe old age of 22, i am starting to formulate some goals, and expectations for myself over this next year. many of them i think are going to be fairly big, and push me a bit farther out of my comfort zone, which to be honest is quite small.
i am a bit intimidated, but ready.
i think.

don't expect to see any lists popping up on here though. because well... that is just too much commitment.

smells like fish? avoid it like the plague

today, dennis texted me.
now this normally gives me much delight and fills my soul with happiness, because lately texts from him have been few and far between due to his high work/stress load that comes with the end of school exams and such. but this time all the excitement that had built up quickly came crumbling down because all the conversation entailed was...

d: it smells funky in the apartment, but i don't know what it is

 (it didn't smell funky when i left for work this morning, so it has to be something he did, right? right!)

me: like garbage?

d: no like fish

i am now terrified to go home

i hate fish people. alive, dead, the smell, their creepy little beady eyes, just the thought of them sends chills up my spine. ironically i love to fish. maybe because i'm not a "catch and release" kind of girl, i'm more of a "you were dumb enough to bite the worm randomly dangling just below the surface of the water , and now you will pay for it" type of fisherman.

and now, because of this fishy fear of mine, swimming in lakes has become a source of panic for me, which is really quite ridiculous, especially because i am a swimmer. but just think about it, you know they are there, but you can't see them! there is nothing more terrifying to me than knowing that those slimy little suckers could be swimming around, or just under my feet and not know it. and heaven help me if i actually see the shadow of one through the murky water.

i'm not exactly sure where this aversion to fish first started, but i have a sneaky suspicion that it has something to do with the dulse that my mom used to eat growing up. if you dont know what dulse is exactly, i envy you. it's dried out seaweed! how grose is that? first, my mom is like one of the pickiest eaters known to man, yet she eats seaweed, something just doesn't match up for me there. do you eat weeds that grow in your garden? no. do you drink sea water? no! so why would you eat it? you shouldn't.

sea food in general i am not a fan of. you would think that 4 years of living in nova scotia would have taken me out of my comfort zone a little bit, but no, if anything it just made me more "anti-fishy".

now that's not to say i haven't tried to eat some, because i have. i always say that before i completely write something off, i will try it, and make sure i really don't like it, with the exception of a few things, i mean eye balls should never be eaten, i don't care if it is considered a delicacy. i will even test a some things out a few years down the road, just to make sure i still hate it. and as proof i have recently discovered that i now love bananas. but olives, those things are still just as nasty as ever.

so, here is what i will eat

salmon, heavily season, or dowsed in lemon juice.
lobster is tolerable, soaked in vinegar.
shrimp, covered in any kind of dipping sauce
tuna, only in a handmade sandwich made by my grandmother, so i guess there won't be anymore of those.

but that is about it

and you know what? i am completely fine with that