it's ok though, because my kid is way cute
costco totally jipped me! i was shorted an egg. should i now feel justified opening the package at the store to make sure i get all the eggs that they are charging me for?
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
when it has almost been a month and you can't think of anything else better to do....
you post pictures!
it's ok though, because my kid is way cute
it's ok though, because my kid is way cute
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
all things new and exciting!
you guys, it's been wild for us this past month.
crazy busy kind of stuff. not like, holy crap i'm going out of my mind busy.
just more like, blogging? ain't nobody got time for that, kind of busy
you see, dennis FINALLY graduated last month.
praise the high heavens!
it feels like all of our married life has been building up to this one day, and you know what happened?
i got in an accident
that morning
not a bad one
but it still happend
in my defence, it was either that or certain death, sooooooo in the end i think it turned out ok
but back to dennis...
he did it!
he wore that cap and gown. stood so we could all take pictures of him. sat (and so did we) through three hours of people talking about nursing. then he proudly walked across that stage, and he didn't even trip. now that's something to be proud of.
most of his family and mine was able to come out and watch our boy in his great moment of accomplishment.
graduate.
not trip, that was just an added bonus.
and even though it was painfully long, it was all so worth it.
good job dennis!
next on the list.
i gave a talk in church
as a youth it seemed like i was giving talks all. the. time. and it was no big deal. but you see that was about 5 years ago. and i haven't peeped one word up at the pulpit since then.
so the weeks leading up to it, i was going a little out of my mind. not with the anticipation of standing infront of a group of people, that's a piece of cake (just don't actually look anyone in the eye and it's ok), but trying to figure out what to write was enough to send me right of the edge of sanity. i had one of those topics that seems meticulously specific, yet way too broad to make any kind of sense all at the same time. how is anyone even supposed to work with that?
anyway, i spent 2 weeks avoiding and worrying about it. then one week stressing and writing, crumpling, and the rewriting.
i say crumple, because i actually hand write everything first, then type out the finished version.
we went through a lot of paper, and i heard dennis tell me i'm too old fashioned many times.
well sunday came, i stood up and rocked that talk, sat back down and wondered what all the worrying was about. i'll probably remember next time.
you know when you are anticipating the arrival of something that you really don't want to happen, and all you let yourself think about to keep perspective is that exiting thing that is going to happend AFTER the thing you don't want to do?
well i had one of those things.
remember that compulsive need for change that i have?
well that itch has finally been scratched.
WE MOVED!!!!
we finally have some more space, a lot more sunlight. a basement to help us out on those crazy hot summer days. a big beautiful yard. a huuuuge garage. bigger kitchen. two bathrooms. laundry room, complete with a full sized washer a dryer. and a few other goodies
you really just never know the value of these simple luxuries until you've lived three years without them.
so ya, there was one little minor set back there.
but mostly, things are really lookin' up for us lately.
crazy busy kind of stuff. not like, holy crap i'm going out of my mind busy.
just more like, blogging? ain't nobody got time for that, kind of busy
you see, dennis FINALLY graduated last month.
praise the high heavens!
it feels like all of our married life has been building up to this one day, and you know what happened?
i got in an accident
that morning
not a bad one
but it still happend
in my defence, it was either that or certain death, sooooooo in the end i think it turned out ok
but back to dennis...
he did it!
he wore that cap and gown. stood so we could all take pictures of him. sat (and so did we) through three hours of people talking about nursing. then he proudly walked across that stage, and he didn't even trip. now that's something to be proud of.
most of his family and mine was able to come out and watch our boy in his great moment of accomplishment.
graduate.
not trip, that was just an added bonus.
and even though it was painfully long, it was all so worth it.
good job dennis!
next on the list.
i gave a talk in church
as a youth it seemed like i was giving talks all. the. time. and it was no big deal. but you see that was about 5 years ago. and i haven't peeped one word up at the pulpit since then.
so the weeks leading up to it, i was going a little out of my mind. not with the anticipation of standing infront of a group of people, that's a piece of cake (just don't actually look anyone in the eye and it's ok), but trying to figure out what to write was enough to send me right of the edge of sanity. i had one of those topics that seems meticulously specific, yet way too broad to make any kind of sense all at the same time. how is anyone even supposed to work with that?
anyway, i spent 2 weeks avoiding and worrying about it. then one week stressing and writing, crumpling, and the rewriting.
i say crumple, because i actually hand write everything first, then type out the finished version.
we went through a lot of paper, and i heard dennis tell me i'm too old fashioned many times.
well sunday came, i stood up and rocked that talk, sat back down and wondered what all the worrying was about. i'll probably remember next time.
you know when you are anticipating the arrival of something that you really don't want to happen, and all you let yourself think about to keep perspective is that exiting thing that is going to happend AFTER the thing you don't want to do?
well i had one of those things.
remember that compulsive need for change that i have?
well that itch has finally been scratched.
WE MOVED!!!!
we finally have some more space, a lot more sunlight. a basement to help us out on those crazy hot summer days. a big beautiful yard. a huuuuge garage. bigger kitchen. two bathrooms. laundry room, complete with a full sized washer a dryer. and a few other goodies
you really just never know the value of these simple luxuries until you've lived three years without them.
so ya, there was one little minor set back there.
but mostly, things are really lookin' up for us lately.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Sunday, June 9, 2013
the best day
if you were to ask my father, when it comes to caring for little children the best day happens when...
... they sleep through the night for the first time...
and
... they can hold their own bottle, giving you a free hand...
and
... they can drink milk cold and not have to worry about waiting to heat up a bottle...
and
... they can drink cows milk...
and
...they can sit and play with toys to keep them preoccupied...
and
... they are finally potty trained...
and
...a few others, but i think you get it
it has been pointed out to him that "the best day" is a singular statement, but my dad has always been above the regular rules that many of us have to live by. so he sticks to his theory that when these things happen, it is the best day.
now i really hope that i'm not jinxing it by telling the world, but for the past three nights willem has slept through the night. like right through. a full 9-6 conk out. not a peep or wimper. just a wonderfully peaceful sleeping baby.
and you know what?
each of those days following really have been the best.
... they sleep through the night for the first time...
and
... they can hold their own bottle, giving you a free hand...
and
... they can drink milk cold and not have to worry about waiting to heat up a bottle...
and
... they can drink cows milk...
and
...they can sit and play with toys to keep them preoccupied...
and
... they are finally potty trained...
and
...a few others, but i think you get it
it has been pointed out to him that "the best day" is a singular statement, but my dad has always been above the regular rules that many of us have to live by. so he sticks to his theory that when these things happen, it is the best day.
now i really hope that i'm not jinxing it by telling the world, but for the past three nights willem has slept through the night. like right through. a full 9-6 conk out. not a peep or wimper. just a wonderfully peaceful sleeping baby.
and you know what?
each of those days following really have been the best.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
polka dot baby
isn't 3 months just the funnest?
i'm sure that every month from here on out i'm going to think is 100% better then the last, but for now, 3 months rocks!
willem is starting to become this little person with a personality to keep you laughing for hours.
the kid loves to talk. obviously not words yet, but he sure is trying his best. he will go on, and on, and on. honestly the most entertaining thing ever.
but the best thing ever? polka dots. he loves them. i first noticed it when i was swaddling him up to go down for a nap. i had just changed my sheets to my super cute polka dot set (dennis looooooves them). and when i rolled him onto his side he caught site of that lovely pink pattern, and instantly the most precious little smile spread across his face, he let out a little coo, and it was love.
but don't worry, it's not just pink polka dots, he is a lover of all colours. blue ones on a the burp cloth. black on the back of a toy. multi colours of a blanket. and now white on my new phone case.
i'm sure that every month from here on out i'm going to think is 100% better then the last, but for now, 3 months rocks!
willem is starting to become this little person with a personality to keep you laughing for hours.
the kid loves to talk. obviously not words yet, but he sure is trying his best. he will go on, and on, and on. honestly the most entertaining thing ever.
but the best thing ever? polka dots. he loves them. i first noticed it when i was swaddling him up to go down for a nap. i had just changed my sheets to my super cute polka dot set (dennis looooooves them). and when i rolled him onto his side he caught site of that lovely pink pattern, and instantly the most precious little smile spread across his face, he let out a little coo, and it was love.
but don't worry, it's not just pink polka dots, he is a lover of all colours. blue ones on a the burp cloth. black on the back of a toy. multi colours of a blanket. and now white on my new phone case.
oh 3 months.
you break my heart.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
why i did what i do
disclaimer:
i have had this typed out for weeks now. but i have been hesitant to share my story because i was unsure what kind of judgement and criticism i would be opening myself up to. but yet, i could never bring myself to delete it. one day as i was reading through this for the umpteenth time i realized that the reason that i am scared to share this, is the exact reason why i need to. because i know that when i was going through my hardest days, i would have wanted to know that there is someone else out there, if only one person, that was feeling the way i was, or has felt this. i would have wanted to know that it's ok, normal, and even healthy.
so this is what i'm doing, i'm being that person to say it's ok, i understand and here is why.
****
so i'll just say it.
i bottle feed my baby
i have since he was about 2 weeks old
i know what some of you are thinking, i know it because i have already had those conversations
you know. the ones that begin with "so how is breastfeeding going?"
followed by "oh, i'm not"
then abruptly ending with "oh... i see"
before i go any further i am going to go way back to when willem was born, and we were still in the hospital.
from the first moments willem ate very well. he latched on right away, and ate, and ate, and ate. ate so much that my milk came in while we were still in the hospital. and pain? there wasn't any. there was obviously a bit of tenderness from him sucking on me 24/7, but it wasn't anything that lanolin cream couldn't tackle. it all came very easily to my body, just not so much my mind and emotions, but we will get to that.
so night two, it's 3 am, i am up feeding willem, when a nurse comes in to inform me that my peace and quiet is going to be disrupted by another women coming in to be my new roommate for the remainder of the time that we are there. ok, so that may not have been exactly what she said, but that's what i heard.
she then curtained everything off around me, and moments later she came. you know, she didn't know that i was awake behind this curtain but if i wasn't before, i sure was now. they talked way too much, and used every form of the word sweetie i think i have ever heard, plus a few more. it was exhausting.
to top all this off they had a problem. their new baby girl wouldn't latch. from what i heard they tried and tried the entire time she was in the labor and delivery room, and they continued to try for an hour after they brought her into our room. there was lots of crying, frustration, and self deprecating comments, followed up with reassuring comments complete with more then enough sweeties. it was a long night for all of us.
morning came and nothing changed, baby still wouldn't eat, still lots of crying, it just didn't end. meanwhile my little guy was eating like a champ. eventually a nurse came in and said something needed to be done, because the baby needed to eat. formula was given as an option along with pumping, then they were left alone to discuss what they wanted to do, they chose to pump because something about formula being poison. anyway, she tried to pump, no go. she was too sore from all the failed attempts at getting her baby to latch and she was unable to get enough out to feed her girl.
that's all that i know, we were discharged around this time, and set free to begin our life as a little family of three.
so fast forward to the end of week one. it was great. really it was. we were so happy with our little boy, and feeling so blessed to have him. but it was tough, dennis was just finishing up classes, and with that came a lot of work and focus on other places other then us, and our new baby. i knew that he needed to focus on his studies, but it was still hard.
thank goodness for my mother in these early days.
now week two. we were still over joyed with him, and we could just sit and watch him for hours. babies are pretty much like camp fires aren't they? but i was starting to feel a few other things. sleep deprived. sore. stressed. and most of all, alone. even thought i had such a great support system around me, i couldn't help but feel totally alone. i felt like i was living each moment until dennis got home in the evening, and then when he did, i would cry. not even really knowing why, i just cried. so dennis, not ever really knowing what to do with me when i cry anyway, knew that something wasn't right, and told me to call my mom. so i did. and she came.
the next day as i was feeding willem and talking my thoughts and feelings through with her, she stopped me and ask me this: "how is breastfeeding?"
i thought about it, really thought about it because it had never occurred to me that i could feel anything about it, and you know what. i hated it.
like a light bulb suddenly being turned on, everything made sense.
i hated feeling like everything was 100% my responsibility when it was a 50/50 effort that made this child. feeling like all i had become was a milk making factory because i had to feed him every three hours, but with him taking almost and hour to eat that left no time to be able to do anything. constantly stressing about whether or not he was getting enough to eat. and more, but i think you get the point. but the major thing was i just wasn't bonding with my baby. i wasn't able to relax and find any kind of joy in breastfeeding. i told myself that it would get easier, and that i just had to wait it out. but the longer i let those feeling go on the worse they got, simply because it just didn't get better.
that evening, we went out to the grocery store, stared at that huge aisle of the hundred different kinds of formula, made our pick then went home.
and that night i slept. slept for 3 hours, and it was the most glorious 3 hours i had ever known.
from there dennis was able to help out with some feedings, as we started weening willem to the bottle.
it took me a while to completely come to terms with it. i know a few people who are unable to have children, and would give anything to have the opportunity to breastfeed their own baby, and i had a first hand experience while in the hospital of hearing a women who wanted so badly to be able to breastfeed her baby, but just couldn't. and now here i am, totally capable, but what was my reason? that i just didn't want to?
eventually i came to the realization (and hearing it from my mom countless times) that the most important thing i can do for my child, is to keep myself happy, healthy, and confident.
looking back i know 100% that if i had continued breastfeeding, knowing how it affected me but choosing to do it any just because i thought that is what i needed to do, i would have gone down, down quickly. and i don't know how long it would have taken me to come back up.
so we bottle feed our boy
and i love it.
i love that i can look at him, and see him looking right back at me with his big blue eyes. i love that i can cradle him in my arms as he rests his head on me. i love that i can smell his precious little baby smell, and kiss his little head because it is just so close, and not half way down my body.
but most of all i love that i am able to love my boy with all that i have to give him, free of all the anxiety and worry that breastfeeding brought with it.
this is where we are at today.
and i wouldn't have it any other way
so this, this is why i did, what i now do.
i have had this typed out for weeks now. but i have been hesitant to share my story because i was unsure what kind of judgement and criticism i would be opening myself up to. but yet, i could never bring myself to delete it. one day as i was reading through this for the umpteenth time i realized that the reason that i am scared to share this, is the exact reason why i need to. because i know that when i was going through my hardest days, i would have wanted to know that there is someone else out there, if only one person, that was feeling the way i was, or has felt this. i would have wanted to know that it's ok, normal, and even healthy.
so this is what i'm doing, i'm being that person to say it's ok, i understand and here is why.
****
so i'll just say it.
i bottle feed my baby
i have since he was about 2 weeks old
i know what some of you are thinking, i know it because i have already had those conversations
you know. the ones that begin with "so how is breastfeeding going?"
followed by "oh, i'm not"
then abruptly ending with "oh... i see"
before i go any further i am going to go way back to when willem was born, and we were still in the hospital.
from the first moments willem ate very well. he latched on right away, and ate, and ate, and ate. ate so much that my milk came in while we were still in the hospital. and pain? there wasn't any. there was obviously a bit of tenderness from him sucking on me 24/7, but it wasn't anything that lanolin cream couldn't tackle. it all came very easily to my body, just not so much my mind and emotions, but we will get to that.
so night two, it's 3 am, i am up feeding willem, when a nurse comes in to inform me that my peace and quiet is going to be disrupted by another women coming in to be my new roommate for the remainder of the time that we are there. ok, so that may not have been exactly what she said, but that's what i heard.
she then curtained everything off around me, and moments later she came. you know, she didn't know that i was awake behind this curtain but if i wasn't before, i sure was now. they talked way too much, and used every form of the word sweetie i think i have ever heard, plus a few more. it was exhausting.
to top all this off they had a problem. their new baby girl wouldn't latch. from what i heard they tried and tried the entire time she was in the labor and delivery room, and they continued to try for an hour after they brought her into our room. there was lots of crying, frustration, and self deprecating comments, followed up with reassuring comments complete with more then enough sweeties. it was a long night for all of us.
morning came and nothing changed, baby still wouldn't eat, still lots of crying, it just didn't end. meanwhile my little guy was eating like a champ. eventually a nurse came in and said something needed to be done, because the baby needed to eat. formula was given as an option along with pumping, then they were left alone to discuss what they wanted to do, they chose to pump because something about formula being poison. anyway, she tried to pump, no go. she was too sore from all the failed attempts at getting her baby to latch and she was unable to get enough out to feed her girl.
that's all that i know, we were discharged around this time, and set free to begin our life as a little family of three.
so fast forward to the end of week one. it was great. really it was. we were so happy with our little boy, and feeling so blessed to have him. but it was tough, dennis was just finishing up classes, and with that came a lot of work and focus on other places other then us, and our new baby. i knew that he needed to focus on his studies, but it was still hard.
thank goodness for my mother in these early days.
now week two. we were still over joyed with him, and we could just sit and watch him for hours. babies are pretty much like camp fires aren't they? but i was starting to feel a few other things. sleep deprived. sore. stressed. and most of all, alone. even thought i had such a great support system around me, i couldn't help but feel totally alone. i felt like i was living each moment until dennis got home in the evening, and then when he did, i would cry. not even really knowing why, i just cried. so dennis, not ever really knowing what to do with me when i cry anyway, knew that something wasn't right, and told me to call my mom. so i did. and she came.
the next day as i was feeding willem and talking my thoughts and feelings through with her, she stopped me and ask me this: "how is breastfeeding?"
i thought about it, really thought about it because it had never occurred to me that i could feel anything about it, and you know what. i hated it.
like a light bulb suddenly being turned on, everything made sense.
i hated feeling like everything was 100% my responsibility when it was a 50/50 effort that made this child. feeling like all i had become was a milk making factory because i had to feed him every three hours, but with him taking almost and hour to eat that left no time to be able to do anything. constantly stressing about whether or not he was getting enough to eat. and more, but i think you get the point. but the major thing was i just wasn't bonding with my baby. i wasn't able to relax and find any kind of joy in breastfeeding. i told myself that it would get easier, and that i just had to wait it out. but the longer i let those feeling go on the worse they got, simply because it just didn't get better.
that evening, we went out to the grocery store, stared at that huge aisle of the hundred different kinds of formula, made our pick then went home.
and that night i slept. slept for 3 hours, and it was the most glorious 3 hours i had ever known.
from there dennis was able to help out with some feedings, as we started weening willem to the bottle.
it took me a while to completely come to terms with it. i know a few people who are unable to have children, and would give anything to have the opportunity to breastfeed their own baby, and i had a first hand experience while in the hospital of hearing a women who wanted so badly to be able to breastfeed her baby, but just couldn't. and now here i am, totally capable, but what was my reason? that i just didn't want to?
eventually i came to the realization (and hearing it from my mom countless times) that the most important thing i can do for my child, is to keep myself happy, healthy, and confident.
looking back i know 100% that if i had continued breastfeeding, knowing how it affected me but choosing to do it any just because i thought that is what i needed to do, i would have gone down, down quickly. and i don't know how long it would have taken me to come back up.
so we bottle feed our boy
and i love it.
i love that i can look at him, and see him looking right back at me with his big blue eyes. i love that i can cradle him in my arms as he rests his head on me. i love that i can smell his precious little baby smell, and kiss his little head because it is just so close, and not half way down my body.
but most of all i love that i am able to love my boy with all that i have to give him, free of all the anxiety and worry that breastfeeding brought with it.
this is where we are at today.
and i wouldn't have it any other way
so this, this is why i did, what i now do.
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